Pages

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Are You There, God? I'm Not a Scientist!


  I avoid calling myself an atheist. It's true that I don't believe in an all-knowing decider. I privately tried to, for fun, when I was in the fifth grade. No one god in particular, just the general concept of there being one. Anyway, it didn't click with me, and I didn't feel any less like my toys might kill me in my sleep. Though, deep down I knew that my toys would never actually come to life, the idea of the possibility was instilled in me at a very young age, as are most beliefs.
  I love Satan, he's my favorite fictional character. I also like fairytales. If the phrase, "true love's kiss", is in the script, I'm gonna want to see that movie. But this isn't about why I love Satan, this is about atheism. Satan isn't real. Don't worry, it's disappointing, but I won't let it define me. If you were to ask a satanist to define their place in the universe, I doubt they would begin their answer with, "I don't believe in fairies", or, "I'm not a scientist!" When I think about my own perspective on life, my spiritual connectedness to the universe, and my feeling of purpose, god doesn't cross my mind. Why would it? I don't believe in god. 
  Spirituality is an emotion. I'm not empty inside. I have all of the emotions. I find too many things more interesting to have time to find interest in religion. How can I disregard something without reading all the books? I don't know. Did you enjoy reading ever book ever written before you were so sure about whatever it is you like to do? I'm like a composer who doesn't listen to music, or a writer who doesn't read. I'm keeping my creative mind free of influence and clean of comparison until my masterpiece of understanding the meaning of life is complete. Or, I'm just lazy and I think you're silly. 
  If I'm so lazy, why do I make jokes about it? Because it's easy. God is often described with traits that if applied to a human would be flamboyantly evil, yet the same descriptions are meant to be examples of his infinite goodness. Evil is good. It's funny, I like it. I make jokes about all sorts of stuff, don't put me in a box. 
  I'm a good person. I don't know what will happen when I die, but so far I've managed not to rape or murder anybody. I believe in miracles, but I don't know how they're made. There's magic at work all around us. I have no idea why.
  Sometimes I imagine that there might be a color I've never seen. No matter how hard I try to envision such a color, it's impossible. I'm unable to fathom anything outside of the limits of my visual memory. Go ahead, try at home, it can't be done! This mystery color blows my freaking mind. And that's how I feel about the universe. It's fulfilling to wonder. I find other things fulfilling as well. 
  My soul doesn't sing of the absence of god. I have more significant things going on in my heart. I'm pretty sure I'm at one with everything. I'm not a Taoist. Is that important? Skip the atheist box, write in, "not a Taoist", and listen as the tone of your insurance agent's voice transforms. I bet you're a real firecracker. 
  The bottom line is, I'd rather say I'm an atheist than explain my views like an agnostic hippy. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. 
  Yep. I've got it alll figured out. Spreading the word of nothingness from one village to the next, on faith that I'll be thanked later. Giving the children gifts in exchange for their crucifixes, and food to the hungry who renounce their illogical ways. Oh, happy day! The heavens are gaseous, and I grow stronger by the minute! Do not worship me, for I do not approve. Although, there are no consequences for anything you do. Smart, smart, smart, smart, spaghetti monster, evolution. 




http://princessgarbageface.blogspot.com/2014/07/thank-you-satan.html

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Porphyria's Butter


  Ah, the spring. The comforts of winter are snuggling away, and the daylight we saved is out stretching. Hooray! But one thing is certain, no matter the season, I'll be a squirtin' a lather of reason. So, grease up those elbows, and sharpen your sticks, as we welcome the springtime to harvest the wicked.. 

Sipping past my pimples
Polished by the steam
Lifting from the window
Frothing at the seams
Savory and softening
And studding with it's beads
The angels in my coffee
Summoning the cream
Slickening my whistle
Slathering the glass
With licks of rising ripples
Of freckle fattening gas
Tell tale of springtime
Velvet textured baths
Salves for the big eyed
Blemishes for bats
Mother's milk is hatching
Supple for the lamb
Honey for the flaxen winged
Butter on my hands
Crafted to a morning mug
Blasted and ceramic
Speckled by the fuming flood
White and wet with magic
Warm and just solution
For blackness of the pores
Glory to the lucid
Acne on my horns





http://princessgarbageface.blogspot.com/2015/01/a-thing.html

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Emily Everychild, A Precautionary Tale


  Emily Everychild wasn't your typical three year old. Instead, she was a rambunctious, precocious, perceptive, loquacious, curious, and cognitive toddler. But most of all, she thought of herself as famous. She couldn't yet understand why, she only knew that her every breath and function brought delight across the world, and more importantly to her home. Her birth was a celebration to which there was no end, and every day there were new discoveries of her rapidly developing abilities. Like all children do, Emily sometimes dreamed of what it might be like to escape her celebrity, but she had also been taught the importance of historical documentation. So, she always did her best, and acted naturally when she was asked to repeat herself for the camera.
  One day, Emily noticed that the rave from her recent potty training triumph had aged into yesterday's news. Managing one pair of underwear through the length between baths was becoming a regular thing now, and the praise it awarded was weakening. Though she still had her daily photo shoots, and annunciation interviews, the thrill of greater self worth that she relied upon could only be earned when she surprised and astounded. Yes, the bond that held Emily's family together was only as strong as their interest in her, and it was her responsibility alone to be the most precious gift they could receive. It was time to outdo herself again, for the immediate future depended on it. 
  After much careful consideration, she decided that she would have to poop in the big toilet entirely all by herself. It had never quite been done before, but all of that was about to be changed. It was complex enough to impress, with minimal raise in expectations. She examined the process thoroughly, every step, and every rhyme pertaining to it's proper execution, until she felt confident that she was ready for her big girl debut. All she had to do was hold it in until her parents were distracted, slip into her new princess costume, sneak into the bathroom, complete each step with perfection, and then call for her parents to view the poo in time to witness her washing her hands. 
  On a Sunday afternoon, Emily seized the opportunity to attempt this unparalleled feat of amazement. Shortly after eating lunch, her mother and father stepped outside to investigate an unusual noise coming from the lawn of a nearby neighbor. Emily rolled across the carpet as she watched them exit through the front swinging door. Then, swiftly jumped to her feet before finishing a juice box, and scurried excitedly into action. The princess dress was located with flawless expertise. As she pulled it over her romper with such effortless precision, she felt assured that the mission to reignite the flame of her fandom would be easier than she had planned. But Emily was forgetting one very vital fact.. 
  Worn separately, dresses and rompers are perfectly safe to wear and enjoy, but when these two seemingly harmless articles of clothing are combined, they become fittingly unstable. 
  The unwitting thrill seeker skipped to the potty, and tugged at her shorts which tightened the shoulder straps attached at the top of the romper. With no other option but to try tugging upward, Emily did just that, and what resulted was shocking. Her dress was now acting as a vice for her underarms. For every tug she tried, her position became more snugly compromised. She was trapped like a prisoner in the shackles of poor judgement. At that moment, the daring three year old realized that this stunt might cost her her life. 
  The little girl fought and squirmed, feeling the urgency for relief rising to a boil in her tummy. She began dancing with panic, scratching at fabric that refused to tear, and ripping off buttons that gave way to no seams. In one last desperate attempt to escape the harness of her menacing garments, the toddler drew her left leg inside of the short-leg of her romper. The consequences were inconceivable. 
  Emily's knee was now folded and pinned firmly between her ribcage and the blouse portion of both layers of the unforgiving outfits, pushing the cotton-poly play wear to dangerous levels of physical constriction. With her right foot on the floor mat, and the other dangling lifelessly from the cuff of the ridden up short pant, she hopped helplessly to maintain her balance. And that's when what was meant to be simple trip to the potty became a terrifying plunge into the porcelain bowl itself. 
  Falling into the toilet was like being swallowed by the jaws of a carnivorous oyster. If help doesn't reach her soon, she may never recover. Emily splashed and screamed with every ounce of strength and air that she could muster. 
  The noise from the neighbor's lawn was merely a harmless garden hose. Just as Mr. and Mrs. Everychild stepped back inside the house, they heard a sound that wretched their hearts to the carpet. It was the voice of their daughter pleading for them to help her by name. The couple ran towards the cries as fast as they could, unaware of what they would find. Hope returned to Emily when they arrived at the scene. Little did she know, the nightmare was far from being over. 
  Her parents didn't hesitate to get the wardrobe malfunction mishap on film. As if it were any other activity, they asked her to pose her arms and enact particular expressions. The water that threatened to consume Emily rose deeper with each of her tears. The distraught and confused toddler couldn't comprehend what was happening. What she did know was that this form of publicity was nothing to be admired, and it would be the end of her luxury as a universally adored icon forever. Her parents insisted that this was not the case, as likes were already accumulating on the photos that they were instantly posting. 
  Begging for rescue from the two people whom she'd entrusted with her safety, she leaned towards them, reaching for a sympathetic hand, unintentionally relieving the pressure from the porcelain against her buttocks. With her cries for compassion unanswered, Emily then erupted, engulfing her left foot in body-temperature feces. The pain was unbearable. Upon impact, the exhausted girl's ego system was sent hurtling into a whirlwind of crippling disbelief. The delight on her parent's faces only added to the horror. 
  When the team was finally able to hoist her to the bathtub, they commended her for her bravery, to which the child made no reply. 
  
  Emily killed herself two weeks later. She was found under the sink, still clutching a bottle of grape flavored hand soap. On her chalkboard easel, she left behind what is determined by forensics to be a disturbingly revealing note confirming her intent of self harm. The deterioration of her mental health is expressed vividly in it's utter illegibility.

  Above is a photo of Emily's mother showing police where the tragic chain of traumatizing events took place. "You never think that something like this can happen to your family..", said Mrs. Everychild, staring through her phone as if reliving some distant memory, "..That's why we're starting a go fund me page." The interview was brief and somber, but the message was soberingly clear. Had it not been for the many photos and videos of their beloved daughter, this family would have nothing of Emily to hold on to after her sudden, and untimely death. 
  A truly eye opening tale of fame and misfortune, reminding us all that Heaven is indeed not so far away. 





http://princessgarbageface.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-mouse-of-mouse-mountain.html

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Gold Star Kanye


  If you missed Saturday Night Live this weekend, you don't know great rapping. America watched in awe as Kanye battled, and served an unwittingly confident member of the cast a fresh plate of freestyle magic. This classic sample of literary mastery captures every aspect of the kaleidoscopical genius that we've come to know as "The Light". With effortless fluidity, he rose to the unscripted rap challenge, dominating every word with the next, surmounting our expectations of poetic perfection. There's no possible way he could have prepared these lyrics before the instant that he performed them. In fact, he was taken by complete surprise during an unplanned portion of the episode which included prerecorded content. When I realized  what was happening, I reached for my phone to record the well wanted memory on my notepad. The intensity of raw emotional awareness urges one to jump out of their seat, and point to their temples while screaming their own name, but breathlessly my fingers flew away, typing every savory syllable of the seductive verbal mind rape. I left my notepad exactly as I typed it, no editing or filters, as raw as the rap itself. Please share with anyone in need of a schooling, this epitome of epiphany, a dip into the fondue of spiritual longevity, a pinch from the dunes of his ability, the accurate lyrics of history's most significant improvised rhymes..

i miss the old kanye
not the new kanye
the black mold kanye
not the blue kanye
wearing shoes kanye
like a dude kanye
not a nude kanye
i miss the old kanye
kissing toads kanye
rhyming my name kanye
smart rapper brain kanye
not the fish kanye
i miss the old kanye
not the gay kanye
the horse goes nay kanye
i miss the strait kanye
not the mad kanye
i'm not a bad kanye
i'm just a sad kanye
i miss the rad kanye
jesus' dad kanye
apple pie kanye
side of fries kanye
a neato guy kanye
a needle eye kanye
angry voice kanye
change is coins kanye
don't eat coins kanye
not the old kanye
but the new kanye
i eat food kanye
i'm doing good kanye
that was great kanye
celebrate kanye
number eight kanye
kkk kanye
battle rap kanye
clap clap clap kanye










Tuesday, January 26, 2016

The Joy of Turds


  Poetry is a rough subject for me. It goes all the way back to my childhood. It began with writing silly parodies to existing songs, but before long, I was replicating poetic feelings with fluid rhythm and make believe heart. Sooner after, I was gifted with underdeveloped feelings of my own. It was at that fragile age when words could not express feeling, so I wrote things anyway, and said that they did. This most difficult and artistic phase coincided with a time when you had to ask individuals to read your poetry in person, from a sheet of paper, like a dick. It was a nightmare. Everybody hated those poems.
  As years passed, and I blossomed into new stages of being, I grew to hate them too. They were awful. Besides, I had newer, improved poetry, that was more current to the new person I was at that new time, that I felt was finer written. And in the blink of an eye, it sucked just as much as my older stuff. Yep. My life has been a cycle of changing for the better, and hating what I've changed from. For every poem that I begin writing, one that I've completed becomes complete garbage. This cycle continues to this day. 
  It wasn't until more previously, during this present stage of mine, or maybe the stage just before it, that I learned how to make my writing personal. My earlier work was all forced. It wasn't flowing from a tangible place inside me, it came from nowhere, it reflected nothing. I was writing with my hands, not my soul. Once I figured out how to access thoughts that were organic to me, and how to transfer those thoughts in place of my poems, my work was at last given meaning. I could finally reach my inner self, and find the joy of delving in it's wonders. The words came more naturally, revealing secrets that I otherwise would not have known. Poetry is magic, my friend, except the rule about secrets is the opposite.
  Anyway, long story short, it was recently brought to my attention that I wrote the following poem. I reread it, and was surprised at how accurately it captures the essence of the woman I am as of late. It's not very old, so it's not garbage yet, but it will be, so it's now or never. Also, if you like poems more than I do, check out my earlier blog entitled, "A Thing". I wouldn't. And so, without further segue, here it is, a spilling of my spirit, a snippet of my soul.. 

I'm a poem. Hi, I'm lame
Hope I throw them off their game
That'll show 'em your uniqueness
Sit at home, and hone your weakness
Prose of roses' thorns and pinkness
Cozily reborn in ink-jets
Testify your boring secrets
Bless their eyes with scores of leaflets
Wreck their minds with forms and feeling
Let each line be warm and healing
Steal their sordid hearts with nectar
Fresh from gardens of your depth
Where ponds and parchment coalesce
And sonnet arches row the fence
To quench the unrequesting guest
Who pets your ego like a pest
Oh, such expressions to inflict!
To feed the soul and soothe the sick
To dream, to die, to live and live
Through me, with finely written script
May demons rise to sip your cup
And be surprised with sweetened tusks
As cherubs dive beneath their butts
With buttons busting from their guts!
Oh, clarify with fair rebuff
Humbled by thy sharing stuff
Cumbersome and harried host
Ponderer of scary ghosts
The honor of this merry toast
Don thee in thy notes of wonder
Gandhi of thy lonesome plunder
Sunder unto me your pittance
Of epiphany and witness
Fit me in refined dictation
Silken reams of time and patience
Taste for me what I've not tasted
Say through me what mouths displace
Playfully endow this page
Astound sensations,  wow the strange
Crowds will towel your brow of strain
As consonants and vowels explain
The bowels of your salted scrapes
And bounties of green glossy grapes
Oh, bow for me, my author dear
With thoughts so wise beyond your years
Who's awesome cries drop awesome tears
Sear my spine and grind your gears
That'll redefine their judgement
Enemies of love will love it
Let me be your smug propellant
How I hunger just to smell it!
Now they'll understand your talent!
Branded on my handsome palette
Oh, radical transcendent totem
Thatta' girl, you end this poem! 




http://princessgarbageface.blogspot.com/2015/01/a-thing.htmlhttp://princessgarbageface.blogspot.com/2015/01/a-thing.html

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

The Ham Sandwich Solution


  If my genitals were smaller, I'd get more views. Life is a test. Memories and measurements. Who am I? What size underwear can I squeeze into? Should I switch to a more effective bathroom tissue? How can I be better? 
  Creating a fan base seems so simple for characters in sitcoms. What are they doing that I'm not? I'd like to see their crotches.
  But online popularity isn't always about crotches, is it? Some of us can win over an audience with a keen ability to brag and complain about on and off relationships, and dying loved ones. That's not what I want for myself. Crotches are an easier place start. I'm sorry that other people have problems, I really am, and it grabs my attention. Of course I've tried problems of my own. They don't work, they lack something, I don't know what. Your success is an inspiration, but I'm still finding my way. 
  Where am I? A blog? Why don't I keep a private diary? Am I gay? It all leads back to genitals, of which mine are robust. I'll never be a Victoria's Secret model, but if I tuck some things in a bit, it could be entertaining. I need a support system no matter what I choose. My stuff is heavy. It's deep. I want to get it out there, but I can't do it myself. 
  I slave away constantly trying to be liked. A woman's work is never done..  Unless she uses her assets. I posted a toilet pic on Facebook two years ago, and it was the most magical day ever. People laughed, some cried, and it was all so wonderful! I'll forever remember that as the day I was reported. The day that ultimately changed the course of my life. I was reborn from the ashes of my pre-potty existence, and plunged into an abyss of revelation. In the human mind, toilets are directly linked to the undercarriage. The laughs, the cries, and the reporting, had nothing to do with my humorous throne. It was my genitals all along. My artfully concealed crustables alluring the population from a shallow bowl in my wash closet. Had the truth of my size been exposed, I wouldn't still be here today. 
  Deception, deschmeption. I want to feel that way again. The thrill of unworthy acknowledgement, my spine chilled sweat staining my extra sweater, the anxiousness to click every comment with the tips of my jittery fingers! You might not know what it's like, with your slim-fitted jeans, labial degeneration, and perpetual shower of spring rain. Social media can be tough for a dried up jumbo muffin. I almost never get famous. My followers are few and brutal, and I have to take pictures of my face. My face for christ's sake! Could you imagine? It's juvenile. 
  I'm an adult, damn it. I can't keep losing friends on account of my profile. It's testing my humility not to flash them. If only I had full use of my lower body, I'd get views like poop at a pig farm. Instead, my experience has been more like standing next to the world at a urinal. Why me? 
  All I ever wanted was hypothetical internet money. It's been a long journey, and so far my pockets are packed with unprofitable flaps. Should I not dare to continue to dream? Should I lay down my arms, and not reach for the stars? Should I always give up? Is nothing possible? Is everything that I believe in a lie? 
  I don't know. You decide. But I can tell you one thing, the answer might surprise you. 





Monday, December 21, 2015

The Mouse of Mouse Mountain



  It was seven o'clock when the doorbell rang. I was just getting dressed for dinner. The sun was setting quickly for the season it was. The horizon slipped into the belly of blackness with more haste than I could slip on two stockings. 
  The entryway proved unlit and unwelcome, as the air whistled warnings, and edged on the door to open wide and make way for cold ghosts. I looked up the driveway, and down the back yard, only to wonder where my bell ringer had run. Of course, he stood just before me, too near to the ground. 
  My shoulders had shrugged entirely, and all wonder had caught wing to wind. I was sure to return to my affairs indoors, and my torso was privy to pivot, when a high pitch note hit the lobe of my ear, at the very last available minute. It was a squeak squeaking weakly from the reaches of my feet. My eyes searched low and lower, I squinted, and squatted, as the squeaks grew clearer, then plopped I on my bottom, and bent even nearer. 
  He was furious, with nothing more than the threshold holding him back. He peeked over with bursts and lunges, and promises of death. Curses and calamities hurled from his lungs as high as his breath could spit them. Once he'd realized that I was listening, I already flicked him. 
  "Oh! You're home, are you?", the mouse mocked my digit. "I looked all around, didn't see you anywhere", he added while twirling his whiskers, untimid.
  The tiny attitude made puny impact in comparison to it's capturing cuteness . "How did you ring the doorbell, Mr Mouse?", I adored. The mouse sucked his teeth for a reserved crumb of patience, and squeaked determinedly through the biases of culture. 
  "My resources are the least of your concerns, my lady. I come to take claim of a head!" His mouse brows raised, as to lure suspense. "I come.." He paused, lengthening his spine to sniff the brewing electricity, "For The Pope!" 
  The black beady eyes behind the threshold popped wide. The teeny feet scurried and inch in retreat before bravery snared and rerooted the rodent to identify the enemy he sought to defeat. "Her!", he pointed behind me, so I turned. The Pope was perched prettily on the staircase to my quarters. She bowed and meowed graciously, as cats learn to do, but Mr Mouse was too keen for cat etiquette. He whispered then, trembling and chilled, "She's a murderer. I have right to avenge my father."
  "I want to sit where The Pope's sitting", Olive yawned, waking her limbs with stretched strides down the steps, creaking each board with a strut. "I'm a cat too", she reminded us all, flashing her fuzzy marshmallow cow coat. The Pope could sense Olive's intrusive approach through vibrations in her bones, and sulphur through her nostrils.
  The mouse whispered more allegations of horrors, collecting the courage to collect his reward. One more word needed not be heard, for as brisk as the breeze I discarded every squeak as lies, and slanderous jokes. 
  Olive descended on The Pope like a blimp falling limp, leaking gases. Anyone could have predicted what's next, for the door stood wide open, an inside pet's test. One cat bolted invisibly into the night, and one cow settled hungrily into the body heat left behind. "Golly, that's speed! I love you! Come back!", mooed my marshmallow, as the mouse and I braced to chase after. "Can I come too? I'll come too", Olive trotted in tow as we raced for The Pope's tail. 
  We criss crossed vast meadows, the mouse slipped under fences, as I hurtled, and stumbled, and dirtied my dress. The trail eluded my humanly sense. There were no clues to follow in the mist, or the grass, but I followed the mouse, and Olive was last. 
  Mud caked my slippers, and I paced with a pant. Olive flailed her flippers round layers of fat. The critter that led us dashed this way and that, with no indication of breaking a sweat. We came to a forest when he took his first rest, and smugly implored that I desert the quest. 
  "Don't fret now, fair madame, you're tousled and soggy. Hurry back to your house while the wolves are still groggy. Allow me my justice, I've no quarrel with you. I'll slit the cat's throat before you've sipped your stew."
  The forest wall promised of shadow bound terrors. A blanket of nightmares, a curtain of uncertain foreboding and fear. The creatures beyond had no names or apparel. Beasts, blobs, and wraiths, ravenous and feral. How brave The Pope to breach such waters. I prayed no danger reached her collar, and vowed to save my feline daughter by any means of feat or barter. 
  "You'll never kill her. You know that, right? She'd spill your guts with just one bite. You're cute, it's true, but The Pope is much cuter. If I were you, I'd too want to shoot her", I lashed as I buried my frock in my bloomers.
  He waved off my words with impudent flak. Smoothing his fur, he pridefully laughed,  "Stop rhyming, this business is not for your pleasure! I'll sever her head, and stuff it with feathers! I'll mount it with toothpicks atop of my mantle. My children will drum her dry tongue  with their rattles! Your beauty, nor begging shall sway my resolve. Now shoo, my dear lady. Go play with your dolls." 
  He strummed at my heartstrings like a rat in an afghan. Any former trepidations towards the forest had been trumped by the very audacity of his perceptions. I snidely asked him the question, "How exactly to you exact to decapitate a cat?" 
  "The same way I pushed your bell button, my lovely. With vengeance, and first dibs on this week's rubbish."
  "Look, mommy! Rubbish! I found it!", bubbled Olive over a half eaten banana. 
  The mouse turned up his butt to her, and strutted tenaciously toward the tapestry of trees. I cast aside caution, and let my conscience do the walking. 
  "I'll be right behind you.. nmm nmm.. in a minute, nmm.. My blood sugar..", Olive cheered with fruited encouragement, as she watched me disappear into the inkwell of darkness. 
  I kept to the mouses heels nearly blindly, allowing my vision adapt to the absence of starlight. Deeper and deeper we crept ahead without speaking. My reflexes tense, and wits all about me. Alert of the faintest echoes and moans in a cacophony of splitting twigs, cracking leaves, and the clicking of something unknown. There were claw marks etched in the bark of a maple who's roots had grown over the bulk of an outdated lap table. Other trees revealed signs of overuse from climbing things battering their branches with food.
  The constance of clicking conducted into music. A siren that swam to the depths of the spirit, alarming my vulnerability and need. It's rhythm, a beating of subliminal direction, an encryption of maps to my treasure. I listened to decipher it's meaning, and began to here riffs of familiar sounds. "A-a-a-a, puh-puh-puh-puh", huffed like a train on the rails of a click symphony. The verses repeated, nothing added or taken away. Tempting with intentions of expressing something whole, by sharing a fraction of two syllables.
  Relief washed over the suspense of the chorus when The Pope presented on the floor of forest. I gestured at her to come to me, but she was apprehensive as I've know her to be. I tiptoed more closely, wiggling my fingers low. 
  "Don't touch that, you twit!", the mouse nipped my toe. The Pope dissipated like a dusting of midsummer snow. In her place was a white woven silk bed of webbing, splayed vertically, diaphanous, and glistening with dew. Dozens more materialized as the song receded to a baseline of disorganized clicks. It seemed the east side of the forest was a metropolis of thin fabric patches, constructed trunk to trunk, meticulous lattice works of malice.
  "What are they?", I awed with lingering entrancement. 
   "Precisely what they look like, gullible girl. Trapps. Though the devils which weaved them have no sound for "tr". Be careful not to stare, or they'll draw you in like a fly. One of them may not be able to snag a fool large as the likes of you, but if one drop of it's poison finds your skin, you'll be trolling the forest in circles for the remainder of your days. Due north, now. The cat can't have gone much farther. Her scent glands are pungent with depravity", he improvised, matter of factly.
  I was shaken by how willing I'd been to hand myself over to doom. How fragile my mind that when put to the test, bends at the whim of deception. I amended to be intuitive thereon, and steadied north, with the wits about me expanded tenfold. Cackles in the canopy couldn't taunt me, nor the thickening of fog sweep me astray. I would rescue my skittish kitten, or die as some thing's prey. 
  Mr Mouse didn't flinch, he fixed on his target. His nerves held firm, despite the escalating pulse of anticipation. The dream which he bated cradled at the cusp of reality. His gratification sparsely retained when he pointed, "There! Just beyond the barricade of bike frames and slinkies. There's passage through the tricycles if you suck in your teats."
  I hadn't a portion of patience to question the origin of this site. The border of some asylum and graveyard alike. I mastered the passage with ease of my size, and emerged into a land of litter and mice. 
  Mr Mouse reveled with accomplished delight. "Aha! You've been had, you dense dung beetle! Bind her, and gag her, and stab her with needles! The cat was but bait to a greater betrayal, you absently brained homosapion snail!
  "All cats jet through doors unclosed. What set her course was your repose. You could have lapped her round your lawn, but at my tact, her path was drawn. You could have drove her anywhere, but who drove who, you obtuse mare?" 
  Crowds of his comrades bound my ankles in chords and chains. The pope meowed from a dangling parakeet cage. 
  "But if she didn't kill your father, why keep her here!?", I begged Mr Mouse, to which he declared, "She did kill my father, not that I care. She's here as a hostage, you'll do as we say. Unless you want her noggin filleted. I'll let you chose the marinade.. Now take her to Moussan Moussein!" 
  The mob of mice led me, chanting this name. There were piles of refuse purposefully arranged as caverns and bridges where worker mice slaved. Several paces after, was a flooding of cups. Yogurt, and jello, empty and crushed. I waded as far as I could without retching. It rose as I treaded, and streaked me in stench. It peeked at it's climax, furnished with torches, and the seat where Moussan reigned, vermin proportioned.
   My waist was too buried to tear him an orifice. The containers compressed me like a corseted blowfish. I gasped and splashed in the trash with a panic.The filthy rats had me as wrapped as a sandwich, pitted at the base of this pyramid of plastic. It was endless in width, with the height of a cabin. 
  "Quiet, flatulent damsel! Your Majesty wishes to introduce himself!", Mr Mouse ordered, and cordially knelt.
  "I am Moussan Moussein, the mouse of Mouse Mountain, son of the gods, sorcerer of peace! Kneel and pledge your loyalty to my throne!", he bellowed well practiced, with arms akimbo.
  "I'm pleasantly immobilized by your pile at present, but thanks", I retorted his  high expectations.
  "You are immobilized by my mountain", Moussan opened his arms to his kingdom, demonstrating it's vastness before continuing. "..something bigger than yourself. The real present is your presence. Thank a veteran"
  "Ahhhh", reflected his minions with admiration.
  "Silence!", commanded Moussan, and he was obeyed. "Bring forth the Visionary!"
  Mice scurried and hustled to posts and began pulling pulleys. A quarter hour later, a lawnmower came into view. An entire lawnmower, lowering from some unseen anchor in the distant sky with the momentum of stale sap. It hung from scarves, tied hankies, and smiley face britches, fastened to it's handle with rubber band bracelets. Fastened as well, was a gay feathered dreamcatcher, swinging gently in the gap of the sidebars secured to the frame of the machine. The busy mice stressed and herniated to maneuver the exuberant weight of the motor. They fixed their raggedy ropes tight in place when the dreamcatcher came parallel to their leader at the tip of the mountain.
  Spread eagle against the framework of feathers and beads was the Visionary. An old frail gray furry thing strapped flat in a flamboyant crucifixion, as the centerpiece of an ill crafted design. His eyes were milk white and frozen, and his face was fashioned with stripes. 
  "Visionary! I have done what you've asked, I have brought to you the unvarnished broad!", Moussan showed me off to the old lawnmower ornament.
  The Visionary hmm..ed and hmm..ed, inspectively, and concluded, "Yes, her profile is quite plain.. Tell me, broad, how does one as blank as yourself remain unchanged while your neighbors fall victim? Hm? Even if by some expert luck you've kept safe from the mark of the Flagfilder, you would be plagued by it's mutants, your fellow man, prospering in shared evolution. No?" He delayed for reaction, then disappointedly added, "Do you have any idea what's going on in the world??"
  Whatever this was, it was weirdly extravagant. If rubbish was their poison, these weirdlings could have it.  "Could you just tell me what you want, so I can have my cat?", I answered, impatiently awaiting demands.
  "I want you to embrace what's happening to everyone else. I want to see it on your face, as you see it on mine. Join your brothers. Surrender yourself to the Flagfilder", the Visionary hissed with sublime conviction. 
  "When your powers combine, I will become captain of this planet!", bragged the mouse of Mouse Mountain, like a miniature mad man.
  "Yes.. And I helped", the elder one more or less elated. 
  I ignored their sacred exchanges of brilliance. "I don't know what a flagfilder is, but I'm sure it's just as great as everything else you've made in this village."
  Moussan took the compliment as a cue to describe, "It is a misunderstood being. An artist, starving, and sensitive. It will  transform the nothingness that is yourself into a glorious and angelic model of compassion and progressive thinking. It will bring color to your dim expression, and reason to your spacious existence. It will be a blessing for everyone alike. Do something that matters for once in your life."
  A bone rattling hum bellowed from the depths of the Visionary's diaphragm. His old eyes twinkled with the torch flames of the mountain as his toothless lips spouted tears of scarlet. Sounds of rustling brush and junk rumbled in gusts of thundering air. The pitch of the humming raised with each tear to a frequency that deafened, and debilitated the nerves.
  Behind me, the cups of the far bottom edge of the mountain were parting like water, being whisked left or right, clearing a clean defile that was on route to release me from the grips of the landfill, and feed me to the Flagfilder. My only hope was that I might be freed with a moment to run, and a chance at The Pope. But she was heavily guarded by terrorists with icepicks and a like for the looks of swiss cheese. I'd give anything to trade her place with Olive. 
  My imagination spiraled with worries about baby seals, and hepatitis. Army wives, amputees, anemia, and abortions. Alien, and queer afflictions of legends and myth ravaged my innocent misconception. From what hell must such maladies spawn? Every thought I forged was of new horror, crisis, and remorse. Thoughts I'd never choose to explore. The obstacles of a million maniacs fought to be foremost on my agenda.
  Where was the Flagfilder? I strained to comprehend. The storm it brought was upon me, and the parting of garbage was nearly plowed to completion. There were mice, and their mountain, and their city, and my kitty.. The last scrap of trash that shackled me flew magically over the lawnmower and the elderly blood hummer who was entranced in religious invocation. A path of opportunity laid open, tempting and threatening, bombarding my mind with guilty repercussions, and an unusual sympathy for underprivileged philosophers. Suddenly I was afraid for everyone and everything that ever was or will be. What would they do without me? I had to make a move. My muscles paralyzed, and my cognizance petrified stiff as a Christmas possum. I sprinted internally, looping the  halls of my ineptness, as the wind whipped it's welcoming party at my motionless vessel like a flagellum. I saw no sign of an entering artist, until it's slime soaked the cloth of my garments. 
  It had a hold of me. It's nose, only hairs distant from mine, oozing sticky liquid that streamed down my thighs. It snarled, and chortled, and hissed sweet syrupy nothings. It's pupils were hallow, they blinked and smiled, communicating feelings that I've only dreamed of in private. It had oily scales that were chipped and unhealed, and bruises on each tentacle, with suctions popped and frilled, each with a voice that winced as it gripped. It's flesh was a melting of man and zen candles, a rainbow of sickness and health. It was a hideous monster. A creature created not like myself. 
  I couldn't tell if I was floating, or being lifted by my coiled limbs. A jaw unhinged from the crevice of it's malformed chin, revealing a tangle of rich colored tongues, slithering and moistening in the ooze between us. Four of the tongues stuck forward, with bristle length tastebuds sponged with pigmented saliva. Colors that reflected the Visionary's stripes.
  How I yearned to earn those tongues, to be slathered in solutions, and branded with my deeds. The burdens of the world that boiled in my soul screamed to be soothed and smothered. I wished my past self to be forgotten, and the person who the Flagfilder had chosen to embrace to preserve for eternity in perfect trusted grace. 
  The first tongue brushed upward against the right edge of my face, tingling, and permeating my pores with esteem. The second was warmer, wiser, and informed, sashing me with answers to questions and concerns. The third lick slid up, to the left of the second. This color quenched and refreshed, and motivated every atom. Puzzles were coming together with trembles and shudders, and foreign awareness. 
  When the last brush ended, kissing my left temple, I pulsed like a pustule, and bloomed flower petals. Peace was conquering war, diseases were discovering profitless cures, deserts of dust would sprout seedlings of orchards, the wheels were turning, I could sense it in my ora. 
  A utopia of ecstasy awaited in the future. It took cunning, and force, and sorcery to awaken, and rise me from the selfish sleep of uninterrupted routine. Prior to this day, I would have never related to the torment and shame across the nations, but in a snip of a night, like lightning I was struck with incendiary insight, and armed with the power of responsibility. If every man, woman, and child were given this knowledge, there would be no more famine or melancholy.
  The ways of the mice were divisive and radical, yet eminent to the necessities of a desperately ailed planet. I was healthy and unscathed, the only payment for my enlightenment was a moment of my time. Moussan, though repulsive, and arrogantly surfaced, was a dedicated advocate of empathy, who's consummate philanthropy surpassed conventional technique and integrity. It was by no coincidence that he needed me, I knew that I had to help more in some way.
  It sent shivers down my spine. If I could give news to even one friend or neighbor, they would follow my example, and educate their own peers. Evil and anguish would be relayed into extinction..
  The Flagfilder abandoned me, and took with it it's weather. It was silent in the forest, and I was alone. I supposed that I walked free from Mouse Mountain in the midsts of smitten ponderance, and wandered a length without seeing outside of myself. All was well, a far away arch of twin twisted trees beaconed like a lamp at the finish of a labyrinth, leading to luminous grass with no canopy. Once I've exited through the forest, I could start my way home, and share with anyone I crossed the effortlessness of uniting for a cause.. 
  Gunfire cracked, jolting me aback and unconscious. 

  Olive was snugly crammed in a gap between tricycles during my capture in the mountain, and encounter with the Flagfilder's artisan tongues. She shimmied and wheezed as she witness my transition from peach to a masterpiece spectrum of heaven.
  She heaved, and flopped out of the vice grip of trikes as I was staggering from the garbage mound in a stupor of self delight. She scrambled to gain her footing, and idled to the side, crashing into the brace of the cage where The Pope dangled her life. The cage teetered one way, then toppled the other, disassembling upon impact with the ground of the mouse lair. Olive excused herself, and offered apologies for her clumsiness, beginning with The Pope, and then the terrorists. The Pope wasn't sorry, she dove into a soup of ping-pongs with heartbeats that had to be slewed. She bit, and tossed, and paddled them with her paws. Olive gave them a try, but they were all raw. 
  I was oblivious to the commotion while I was droning over a low section of ten-speeds in the mouse city's perimeter wall. 
  The Pope slashed, and gashed, and disemboweled any foul pest with hesitant incentive to seek shelter. Olive's weak rumbling stomach could hardly bear it. As the massacre sprayed and sprinkled around her, she fantasized mounds of nibbles pouring into her bowl at home. If only she had those nibbles and bowl, and the manual skills to combine them both. She frantically scanned the parameter, realizing that I was now absent. 
  So, she consorted with her sister, who was poking at a twitcher like a boring stick of squealing asparagus. They agreed that the mice had exhausted of fun, and with a nudge to Olive's jiffy puffed bum, they returned to the woods, and strategically split up. 
  
  An annoying sensation hoisted me from a place of vague strangeness, and I woke laying thoughtless on the forest floor.
   "Are you ok, mommy?", Olive asked as she sanded my face with laps. "Am I shot?", I slurred, unsure of the blurry recollections stirring in the slushes of the night. Olive assured, "You were shot at, but not shot. They missed you, thank gosh." 
  "Why would anyone do such a thing??", I checked all my pockets for loss. 
  Olive lapped the last speck of paint from my mask, and gagged before explaining how I should be dead. "A hunter came into the forest from there", she referred to the arch trees that I intended to exit. "Then, you attacked him, going, 'bladuh glabba bla bla', so he shot at you, and you collapsed on a rock."
  I felt the back of my head, it was lumped and it throbbed. I had no memory of a hunter or spouting gibberish. I would never try to hurt a fellow citizen. Would I? No. No, I remembered I was going to help people. That's right. I'd already begun saving the world with my.. love?? No, I was really doing something, I was changing everything, I was.. I was.. 
  The cat-lapped clarity was embarrassingly lame. I'd done absolutely nothing, and the world was exactly the same. I didn't plant any seeds, or remedy sadness, or cradle an orphan, or battle for peace, or make anything happen, or anything cease. What made me believe I'd accomplished such feats? 
  "The Flagfilder..", I whispered in sad disbelief.
  "Flagfawhat?", Olive answered, smoothing her chops with her hooves.
  I sat up to clue her in, as my dizziness subdued. "The monster who's saliva you just ate from my face, who licked me at the mountain for Moussan Moussein."
  She frowned with confusion, and mooed the story as she knew it. "I didn't see any monster, mommy. You were talking to two mice, and then you said you were flying. Next thing, you were fingering moldy fruit gravy out of a pile of garbage, smearing it from your chin to your forehead, and it sounded like it made you happy. It tasted awful expired, but I felt faint waiting for you to wake up. You're so silly." 
  How could that be? The Flagfilder, when I was with it, was the most physically potent encounter I've ever permitted. Were the tentacles, and tongues, and liquids all visions?..
  My delicate princess!! Did I leave her imprisoned?? "The Pope! Is she with us?", I sprung like a cricket.
  "Oh, she went on home so you don't have to worry about finding her anymore. It was smart plan. She seemed pretty sorry. You should probably feed us extra. Can we go now, mommy?", spoke Olive fondly.
  "Not yet, Bessy" , I regretted to decide. "I'm going to the hospital for an MRI, and notifying the authorities to exterminate these mice." 
  At last, we left the forest through the passage of moonlight, hastening to warn of abduction, and ask if my lump could be shrunken. We followed an unpaved road for kilometers, while Olive complained for her blood sugar monitor. My clothes were a muddy and fermented offense, but my nose and cheeks were purrfectly softened. We treaded and kept one another from dozing. My bedtime was less than an hour approaching. The village ahead was that of our home, where there were plenty of medics and sworn constables. 
  We arrived to find no one. The outskirts were sleeping. So, we pressed on to the main street where officers frequented. The village we entered was not as I hoped. Buildings and busses were pillaged and smoking. "When had I last left the house?", I self scolded.
  "The last time you left me was a fortnight or so. You should get out more. Fresh air important", my companion gladly disclosed my performance.
  "Thanks for the advice, Olive. You're a real poet."
  The town appeared evacuated. No law men were patrolling. What devastation had taken place was days or weeks unfolded. The hospital was looted, and closed for much repair. No one heard my agony, my lump was a matter of prayer. There was nothing to achieve by touring the disaster further. I was needed at home to let The Pope in, and serve her. 
  Olive and I reluctantly filed through the aftermath of the unknown violence. Then, as we treaded and perplexed, like an answer from above, the silhouette of a woman advanced from the rubble. She waved her hands, and I called to her aid. Then she came at me faster, and I saw her face. She was flagged, and she babbled, and grabbed for my flesh. Olive tossed me a shrapnel, and it found her chest. The woman dropped dead, and I pled for repentance. She wasn't as blessed as I'd been with the hunter. The Flagfilder's mask was a villainous wonder.
   The Visionary's nonsensical speech repeated in my mind with affluent meaning. A plague took my neighbors, and painted them mutant. I was the only remaining plain human. It tore at my soul, but what could be fixed? The Pope was still waiting in the cold, safe, I wish. It was best that I tend to my own, while they lasted. The rest can't be prevented, it already happened. 
  Olive and I snuck on more slyly after that. Peeking around corners, covering our tracks, like fugitives hounded by viral detectives, until we were soundly inside our address.
   The Pope was there, holding her location as promised. Olive hoorayed as I buttered her omelet. 
  The night lifted like vapor as I slept a firm ton, and by the next day, I had fresher diversions. For wherever there is suffering, contagions disperse, and I have no training in saving the world.
  From then on, I loved The Pope ever greater, and never opened my door to a stranger. The village was reborn from the bricks of new fashion, and citizens returned with their children, and hashtags. But little did they learn from the lessons that brought them, and many were lost to infection quite often. 
  ..But my kitties and I grew immune to those faces. We played, grinned, and groomed, and died of old ages.